Dear Mama, It Gets Better. But That Doesn’t Matter Right Now.

Dear mama, things will get better. This phase will pass.

But that doesn’t really matter right now, does it?

That doesn’t change the fact that you haven’t slept in months. Or years.

That doesn’t make up for desperately wanting to meet a friend for coffee just to vent, but being so exhausted that you can’t begin to verbalize how hard your life feels at this moment.

It doesn’t make breastfeeding any easier.

It doesn’t change how hard you’re trying to be the best mom you can be, and how defeating it feels to fail.

It won’t take away the mom guilt you feel on days when you’d like to move into the hotel down the street for a few days.

When you’re in the middle of the hardest moments of your life as a mom, a pat on the back and a little reassurance isn’t enough.

And when someone says “don’t worry, it’s just a phase,” does it ever give you that twinge of mom guilt, like there must be something wrong with you because you aren’t delighting in every moment as a parent?

There will be days when hope feels lost and you have forgotten yourself and the light at the end of the tunnel is just a tiny speck out in the distance. You wonder if you are doing ANY of this mom stuff right.

Sure, the sun will shine again. Sometimes as soon as the next day, the world will look different. Your confidence as a mom and wife will return, and you’ll find your motivation again.

But that can be hard to imagine sometimes.

Next time you’re listening to a friend who’s in a rough place, don’t just tell her it gets better. Look her in the eyes and tell her you’ve been there. Tell her that yes, it can be SO hard. Recognize her situation and cry with her.

If she’s looking for it, tell her what helped you when you were in that place. Let her know that she’s not alone. Sometimes motherhood is totally overwhelming, and that doesn’t mean your failing or that you don’t love your kids or being their mom.

And sure, tell her that it gets better. Because it does.

If you’re having a day/week/month of being in a really hard phase, here’s what I want you to do..

Give yourself permission to have bad days. It happens to ALL of us. Those moments can’t define us. You work way too hard and are far too important to your family to let that be who you are. Accept that things are going to feel too much at times, and that’s ok. There’s no way around it.

Forget about what everyone else is doing. Don’t compare your hardest mom moments to where anyone else is. Are you about to post your horrible day on social media? Yeah, neither is anyone else..that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Trust me, it’s not just you.

If you’re having one of those days right at this very moment, find the song “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes. Play it loudly and on repeat. It always works for me.

And in no way diminishing what you’re going through, it DOES get better. Oh, and if anyone hasn’t told you lately, you’re amazing.

XO,

Erin

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